Complicated
by kartronthepegasus
Summary: This is a Mass Effect story that will span over Mass Effect 2 and 3 and after the Reapers. It is about brother and sister John and Teresa 'Terri' Shepard and their relationship with not only each other but with Garrus and Tali. How will things evolve between these siblings and their love interests all the while they have to find a way to stop the Reapers. Life is so complicated.


**Complicated**

**Disclaimer- I don't own any other these characters and themes. They all belong to BioWare.**

**Hey everyone. This is another Mass Effect story. It is about brother and sister John and Terri Shepard. And about each developing relationships with Garrus and Tali. And about their own sibling issues as well. It will span over Mass Effect 2 and 3 with flashbacks of the first game, until after the Reapers.**

**Also the story switches between the points of views of the different characters so I will state who's point of view we are reading when it changes.**

**Please enjoy ^_^**

* * *

**Chapter One: Falling Apart**

I had just finished my rounds on the Normandy and decided it was time to retire for the night. My muscles were stiff and my mind was so tired I could barely think straight. I tried to ease some of the pain out of my body by stretching but it did little to know good. I guess all those sleepless nights finally caught up with me.

"Joker," I called.

"You'll be the first one I call if there are any changes Commander." He answered my unasked question. I smiled and headed for the elevator. The good thing about the mission to stop Saren was that my crew had learned to anticipate what I wanted before I asked for it. Which made missions a lot easier to say the least. Not that we didn't have our hardships but that came with the territory.

I had also met some great friends along the road; Garrus Vakarian, Wrex, Liara T'Soni, and Tali'Zorah Nar Raaya. I had become good friends with all of them. And we had become quite the formidable team as well. Nothing was able to stop us.

Not even Saren, his army of Geth or Sovereign could stop us and that was saying something. Of course there was also human members of the crew that helped add to everything.

But with the good also came the bad… Kaidan Alenko, an old friend and crew mate had died on Virmire to ensure the Geth didn't stop the bomb we had planted. It had been a difficult choice, having to choose between Kaidan and Ashley but in the end I had to do what was right.

Sighing, I tried to shake the depressing thoughts from my already tired mind. Just when I reached the elevator I nearly collided with a small woman with strawberry blonde hair that dropped just below her ears in a boyish cut, freckles covering the bridge of her nose, tanned skin, and turquoise eyes that gleamed. She gave me a weak smile. "Hey John, sorry… I didn't see you there."

"It's fine Terri… I didn't see you either." This small woman was in turn my younger sister; Teresa Shepard. But around the time she was nine she started calling herself Terri. She is the only member of my family I'm still close to. And vice-versa; our relationship with our parents had fallen apart when we were teens and we had no extended family.

Though in a way the Normandy crew had become our family. A strange and mismatched family, but a family all the same. "Turning in for the night?"

She gave a tired nod, "After I reply to Garrus' message."

That's right, Garrus had left the Normandy after we beat Saren to return to C-Sec and Wrex had returned to Tuchunka to try and help his people. The others, Tali and Liara had stayed aboard the Normandy.

From what I knew, Garrus and Terri had been messaging each other back and forth for awhile. He and I did the same since we were like brothers but it seemed he liked to talk to Terri more. It was like that when he was on board the ship as well. The two had become fast friends and had even developed a friendly rivalry to see who was the better shot. I don't think they ever determined the winner though.

"How's he doing?"

"From what he said, he is doing well. Still annoyed with all the red tape but taking what we taught him," she paused for a half of a second, "Sorry, what you taught him to heart and not giving up in making a difference."

"You taught him some valuable lessons to."

She scoffed and hit the up button on the elevator.

Sometimes I believe that Terri doesn't realize that she has quite the effect on people. She is rough around the edges and is a bit unorthodox in some areas but is truly a good person, despite how much she denies it. Terri has a certain way about her that made it really difficult to hate her. Sure when you first meet her because of her personality you think she's a total bitch, but if you actually take the time to get to know her she is an amazing person who can always bring out the best in people.

The door swooshed open and we both stepped into the extremely slow elevator that was beyond annoying. It took fricken forever to just go up one floor. It was like it was designed purposely to annoy its passengers to death.

"…John…"

I turned to face her and was shocked at how uncertain she looked. Terri is the most confident person I know, so to see her so, so uncertain was a little unnerving. "What's wrong?"

"… I didn't really get the chance to say before… with Saren and the ship lock down and everything else but… I'm sorry…" she glanced up at me and there were unshed tears in her eyes, "About Kaidan."

Without a word I pulled her into a hug and whispered reassurances in her ear. Kaidan had been with both of us since we were assigned to the Normandy. We had both become great friends with him, and though Kaidan tried to play it down I knew he had been in love with my sister. She was just oblivious to that fact. But his death had hit me hard, I never thought of how Terri would take it. Cause like I said, despite the tough girl act she put on underneath that she was a sensitive person. As cliche as it was.

When we finally reached the crew deck Terri had recomposed herself, being the strong and confident sister I knew and adored. She said goodnight before strolling off down the hall to the crew's quarters. A loud yawn burst past her lips and I had to chuckle.

Shaking my head I walked over to my room and flopped down on my bed with a tired sigh. Everything that had happened took its toll on me. I never let the crew see how much because I knew they relied on me. If I broke down then who would be there to lead them? Who would help them through everything? Terri might be able to do it but I know deep down she has a long way to go before she is ready to lead. Which might be why she is still only a Lieutenant.

I also know that she has the fire of a good leader, which she has shown many times when the situation presented itself. She handled a lot of those situations better than I would have if I was in her place. So, when she was ready for her own team not only would the whole galaxy know but anyone who was stupid enough to get in her way were in for one hell of a surprise.

The thought brought a smile to my lips.

* * *

I was just starting to drift when Joker's frantic voice came over the com. "Brace for evasive maneuvers!"

Then the whole ship rocked. I tumbled from the bed to the unforgiving floor. Shaking my head I glanced around when the ship shook again. Jumping to my feet I ran to my locker. With quick hands and years of practice I got my armor on and rushed out of my room, past the sleep pods to the distress beacon. Explosions and screams sounded around me as the ship was hit again and again.

Hot flames engulfed everything around me and I tried to keep myself calm. I worked as quickly as I could trying to reconnect wires so then the distress beacon could be launched. More explosions sounded behind me and the flames grew hotter every second.

"John!" two voices cried. I put on my helmet and turned around to come face to face with both Ashley and Terri. They were working on getting their helmets on as well. I noticed, despite how subtle it was that Terri was shaking. A rare thing for her. It meant only one thing; she was scared. Terri was never one to scare easily.

But we were under heavy fire from an unknown enemy with our ship falling apart around us. People were rushing about trying to get to escape pods while some laid lifelessly on the ground.

"Will the Alliance get here in time?" Ashley asked, fear evident in her voice. I hated the thought of either of these two being scared.

"They won't abandon us!" I continued to work on activating the beacon while Ashley and Terri worked on putting out the fires. Though we all knew it was a futile effort. "We just have to hold on."

"Joker's still in the cockpit. He won't evacuate." Terri declared. "I'm not leaving either!" Her loyalty was sometimes a curse. And in this situation it was the worst thing imaginable. I couldn't let my baby sister stay on a ship that was quite literally going up in flames. She was one of the things that kept me going. Motivated me to continue living my life. If she was to die I would never forgive myself.

I clenched my fists and turned to glare at her. My decision made, "I need you two to help get everyone to the evac shuttles."

**"No!"**

I blinked for a second but Terri's rejection only tightened my resolve. "Ash, take her and _go_." Ashley jumped slightly at my order and glanced between the shocked Terri and myself.

"John..." Ashley whispered.

"Go. Now."

"Aye, aye Skipper." Ashley grasped Terri around the waist and began to drag her away; but Terri wasn't going without a fight. She struggled to get away making it nearly impossible for Ashley to hold onto her. One arm was outstretched in my direction in a desperate attempt to get me.

"No! I'm _not_ leaving you!" she cried. I could almost hear the tears in her voice. "We're in this _together_!"

Moving quickly I came up and place an armored hand on the side of her helmet. Caressing it like I would her cheek if she didn't have the helmet on. A way I always comforted her. She looked at me silently, "I swear," I stared at my sister trying to keep my voice calm. "I'll get Joker and I'll be right behind you. I _won't_ leave you _alone_." I also glanced at Ashley for a brief moment when I said this.

I was saying this to both of them. And I damn well meant it. I could never leave them. They were everything to me.

Terri seemed hesitant but she nodded, "You damn well better come back." she whispered, but I could still hear the fear in her voice. And then she ran with Ashley down the hall. I watched them go until they were out of my sight.

The two most important people to me; my little sister and the woman I loved.

Shaking those thoughts from my head I launched the distress beacon and then turned to rush to the cockpit.

When I reached the CIC I had to activate my magnetized boots so I wouldn't be sucked out through the hull breach. Everything was silent around me; the only sound being my breaths that sounded like explosions in my ears. The star… planet or whatever the hell it was that was right near the ship gave everything an eerie glow that sent shivers down my spine. It looked also ghost like and with no one on board it damn well felt like it too.

Soon, I reached the cockpit and found Joker trying to pilot the already dying Normandy. "Come on, Joker!" I exclaimed as I hurried through the shield to his side. "We have to get out of here!"

**"NO!"** What was with people and arguing with me today!? Our ship was being _destro_y and everyone was trying to be a hero and act brave. Why couldn't they see that the most important thing was getting off the ship _alive_?! "I _won't_ abandon the Normandy. I can still save her."

"There Normandy's lost." I sighed, trying to keep myself calm. "Going down with the ship won't change that."

Joker glanced up at me with sorrowful eyes. He knew I was right but he didn't want to admit it. He didn't want to let go of the ship that had become his home. Hell, the ship had become a home to everyone on it. But I knew we couldn't stay. _"Please."_

He released a heavy sigh. "Alright Shepard… Help me up."

Before I even had a chance to the enemy ship fired at us once more, the yellow beam completely tearing the ship apart. Without another thought I grabbed Joker by the arm and helped him into the escape pod.

However, before I could climb in myself I was knocked back by an explosion and being sucked out by the vacuum. Joker reached out as if to grab me but I was out of reach and even from this distance I could see the fear in his eyes.

The beam was heading right for him in the escape pod and before I completely lost grip on the wall I hit the button to launch the pod.

"**JOHN!"** Joker's desperate voice came through my comm. as I drifted through space. I looked around trying to find the ship that attacked us but all I could find were the escape pods off in the distance, Joker's that was following the same coarse and the debris of the Normandy around me.

Suddenly I found it impossible to breathe. My throat burned and I realized that my oxygen tube had been cut. I tried desperately to reach it but was unable to.

My omi-tool began to count down how much oxygen I had left so I thought of all the things I would miss. Everything that I was proud of. And really, I was just thinking of anything I could.

_10- Joking around with Garrus in our playful manner or killing a bunch of enemies  
_

_9-Wrex will truly help his people and show the galaxy what a real Krogan is… Like he showed us_

_8-Kaidan… I'm sorry, I'll see you soon my friend. I hope you can forgive me..._

_7-Liara, you'll do amazing at whatever you do… Just don't give up hope..._

For the first time in a long time tears began to blur my already hazing vision as I tried to savor my last few breaths. I didn't think I would die like this. I always imagined dying either in the heart of a battle or while gunning down enemies. And in all honesty, dying this way was almost insulting.

_6- Joker and all his smart-ass remarks that make me smile no matter what mood I'm in_

_5-Anderson… I'm sorry I failed you_

_4-I guess I never will get the chance to tell the Council to shove their bureaucratic bullshit up their collective asses_

_3-Tali… You are amazing person and you'll show everyone the true worth of the Quarians… I'm proud of you…_

_2-Ashley, I love you._

The last thing I saw before finally closing my eyes was the bright sun peeking over the horizon, as if it was a doorway to heaven.

_1-… Terri… I'm sorry, I broke my promise. You know I love you and I'm so proud of you… Terri…_

* * *

**Terri's POV**

We all stood on the planet where the pods had landed watching the fire that we knew was the debris of the Normandy. Ashley stood close to my side as if she was still trying to make sure I wouldn't go running back to the already destroyed ship.

In all honesty, I never really liked Ashley. I respected her because she was a good solider, but on a personal level I couldn't stand her. She didn't like any of the alien crew members and was always trying to find a way to get them off the Normandy. And I don't think she likes me very much either.

I still don't get how John fell for her but hey, I'm not going to judge him.

Finally we saw the last pod coming towards us. However, I felt a cold ball form in the pit of my stomach. Something was off, I could feel it and I really didn't like this feeling.

When the pod touched ground everyone rushed forward. But when the door swooshed open only one figure emerged. The figure of our distraught pilot. He was crying hysterically and we could barely understand a word he was saying. But we didn't have to.

And in that moment everything around me disappeared. I felt numb... unable to move even in the smallest of ways. It was like I was no longer in existence as the rest of the crew grieved I just stood there my eyes and expression blank.

"...No..."

* * *

One week has passed since the destruction of the Normandy and… John's death. I still couldn't believe it. I had seen it fist hand. Had heard Joker explain what happened and yet I still couldn't grasp it as reality.

John… The strongest person I know..._knew_... is gone.

He went and got killed in some fucking explosion! All because he had to go play hero! If I had been there I could have saved him. I would have made damn sure he got in that fucking pod no matter what!

Right now I was sitting in a front row seat with the rest of the Normandy crew at John's funeral.

I shuttered again. A funeral meant his death was final. That no matter how much I wished it wasn't true John was gone from my life forever. That he wouldn't pull off the impossible and show up calling all of us idiots for even thinking he was dead.

My body shook once more. Garrus who was sitting on my left noticed this and put his talon hand over mine which were currently in my lap. I glanced up at him and noticed as he tried to give me a reassuring smile. But he was broken just like everyone else.

But why wouldn't he be? John, the beacon of hope and our Commander was gone. And there is no way any of us will be the same without him. I mean in a way he helped mold all of us into the people we are. We already had the foundation but he built from that helping turn us into the people we wanted to be and he always knew we could be. But with him gone, what was there?

A sob drew my attention to his other side. Tali was trying to hide her tears by turning off her helmet's speaker but everyone in the crew knew what she was doing. And she was clinging to Garrus' arm looking for comfort. The Turian obviously didn't know what to do but he let her cry anyways.

On my other side sat my parents, both of them as cold and stoic as I remembered. Just sat there silently, not displaying any emotion at all.

I haven't seen them since the day I decided, much like John had to join the Alliance for the good of the galaxy. They had been furious. Had said that if we did that they would never speak to us again. But we did it anyway and they kept true to their words. So they were probably only here for appearances sake.

Anderson was the only Council member here at the funeral and was currently giving a few words about what a great man John was. Tears welled in my eyes but I refused to release them. I couldn't just break down. I couldn't.

After Anderson concluded his speech we were allowed to go to John's coffin and say our final goodbyes. Everyone lined up to await their turn; my parents had somehow got to the front of the line. What enraged me though was the fact that all they did was place a single red rose upon his coffin and then walked off the stage.

They said nothing, didn't even look the tiniest bit upset that their son had just died!

Next upon the stage was Liara, she murmured a few parting words and ran her hand over the coffin, tears streaking down her cheeks. She was shaking uncontrollably and trying to keep herself together. It reminded me a lot of how she was when her mother had died in her arms. That is two people she truly cared for torn from her life in less than a year.

Wrex was the next one to walk on stage. He only placed a shotgun on the coffin and then slammed his fists together. I knew from experience that was Wrex's way of showing affection and a way to show he was seeing off someone to battle. Except for this time it was a parting to someone who was never coming back.

Garrus was next and he seemed to say quite a bit to John and he seemed to be angry but at the same time, grieving. His body shook as he clenched his fists at his side. He murmured something and then placed a hand on the coffin before he continued to talk for a few minutes before going to stand next to Wrex and Liara.

When Tali walked up she literally broke down, her body shaking so much it was a miracle she was still standing. Since I was close enough to the stage now I was able to hear her. "Keelah Shepard… Why did this have to happen?" A sob broke through. "You didn't deserve this… Keelah… You didn't deserve this...You made me feel normal… Like I finally belonged somewhere. Like I had finally found...a home..." She brought her hands up to cover her mask, "I'll miss you She… John." With that she ran off the stage and right to Garrus, crying into his chest. Garrus hesitated for a moment before wrapping his arms around her.

Despite where we were and the fact that my brother was gone I couldn't stop the stab of jealousy that rose within me. Why I was jealous I had no idea but I was jealous all the same. But it was the first emotion I have felt aside from grieve since the news of John's death was announced by Joker.

Ashley took confident but broken steps- how that was possible I have no idea- up to the side of the coffin, tears running down her cheeks willingly. She sighed and I knew what she was about to do.

"Imagine if I was given one moment,  
just a single slice of my past.  
I could hold it close forever,  
and that moment would always last.

I'd put the moment in a safe,  
within my hearts abode.  
I could open it when I wanted,  
and only I would know the code.

I could choose a time of laughing,  
a time of happiness and fun.  
I could choose a time that tried me,  
through everything I've done.

I sat and thought about what moment,  
would always make me smile.  
One that would always push me,  
to walk that extra mile.

If I'm feeling sad and low,  
if I'm struggling with what to do.  
I can go and open my little safe,  
and watch my moment through.

There are moments I can think of,  
that would lift my spirits every time.  
The moments when you picked me up,  
when the road was hard to climb.

For me to only pick one moment,  
to cherish, save and keep,  
Is proving really difficult,  
as I've gathered up a heap!

I've dug deep inside my heart,  
found the safe and looked inside,  
there was room for lots of moments,  
in fact hundreds if I tried.

I'm building my own little library,  
embedded in my heart,  
for all the moments spent with you,  
before you had to part.

I can open it up whenever I like,  
pick a moment and watch it through,  
My little library acts as a promise,  
I'll never ever forget you."

It was a beautifully sad poem. Poetry was something Ashley had gotten John hooked on while they were dating. She used it to express the feelings she couldn't say any other way.

With one more sigh she whispered, "Goodbye John… I love you." And then she walked off the stage.

Now at last was my turn. My steps were hesitant and sloppy, which was not a normal thing for me. But all those other times I had been sure of what was going to happen. Now? Now I was fumbling around in the dark with nothing to guide me. I stumbled up to the side of the coffin and stared at it, unable to move.

Tears clouded my vision once more but I still wouldn't let them fall. Taking a shaky breath I decided to say what I felt, that's what you're supposed to do…right? "John… you're a lying bastard… you know that? You swore that you wouldn't leave me alone… But that's exactly what you did!" Quiet sobs shook my frame but I still held back my tears.

"Even with the Normandy crew here I still feel alone… We were all we had for the longest time… Always there to watch each others' backs. We always helped each other through whatever bad-ass situation we found ourselves in... We helped cheer each other up when we were glum or lonely... And then you go and fucking die on me." One tear dripped from my eye, "I feel so lost, confused… Scared." It felt strange to admit this, but it was the truth, "Whenever I felt like this before you were always around and would give one of your stupid pep talks… and… and, I don't know what I'm supposed to do without you John!"

Finally, I placed the Orchid- John's favourite flower- upon the coffin. "I'll miss you, you blockhead… I… I love you…" Bowing my head I strolled off the stage at a fast pace brushing past everyone and heading far away. My eyes well hidden beneath my bangs.

"Terri wait!" Garrus called after me. Despite how much I wanted to listen I just felt empty and lost so I just kept walking. "Terri!" his voice was even further away now. I went around a corner onto a crowded street of the Citadel and began to pick up my pace. The tears now ran freely down my cheeks but I paid them no mind. **"TERRI!"**

I ran.

I ran from all those I cared for. I ran from the pain and the confusion. I ran from the loneliness. I ran from the gaping hole that was left inside me. But most importantly, I ran from my past… The life that use to have John in it. I ran from John.

* * *

**Hey everyone, just so people know I found the poem online and it's called; My Memory Library and was written by Sarah Blackstone.**

**Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and please let me know what you think of the new story. Thanks.**


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